I.H.I.W.I.H.Y.

(I Hate It When I Hate You)

I can say that I am totally over from our breaches before.
After a period of time I’m finally over it
and I believe I’m also done with you.
But why do you keep entering my mind?
At first, I thought its just a reaction of what had happened
but later on it grew and became something new.
Something so nice to feel yet so bad
And I hate it!

I hate it why everytime I’m about to sleep,
its your thoughts that I think about.
I hate it why everytime I wake up,
its your face that I see.
I hate it why everytime I look at my phone,
its your number that I expect to see
and I hate it why its your message I await to read.
I hate it when you make me smile.
I hate it when I miss you.

I hate it why your thoughts always linger in my mind
though I always throw it away.
I hate it when I’m being around you.
I hate it when you look at me because then
I realize that I’m also looking at you.
I hate it when I see you.
But I hate myself even more with the thought of not seeing you.
But above all, I hate myself for hating you this way,
where the truth is I like you.

Yes, I’m really over you,
but with you, I’m not yet over.

So I’m writing this to finally emancipate what I truly feel.
I’m so fed up of faking myself from these emotional changes.
I want to breakthrough from these fallacies where I’m stack in.
These things keep the burden in me.
I want to stop these impulsive changes I’m going through.
I want to be me and dismiss myself from this dungeon of fraudulent life.
How I wish you’re carrying the same heavy load that I’m carrying right now.
Oh how I hate you for making me not to hate you.
And how I hate it when I hate you.